The Toxic Habit of Advising
If we pay attention to our speech and conversations, we shall find that most of them are advice. Advice on lifestyle, financial investment, productivity, entertainment, and more.
Most of us don’t even listen to the complete sentence of the other party. Immediately, our minds pop up with advice and down it is delivered with lightning speed.
The habit of advising establishes one in an elevated position, thus positively reinforcing that behaviour. As a result, more advice pours out.
It is also prominent because we don’t have anything thoughtful to say that could bring real solace to the listeners. They just bubble up as fillers.
As a result, our conversations have become meaningless, superficial and transactional. We mostly sell in the name of conversation, and the gratification is rewarding from that.
Listening is the Real Communication
Effective and useful communication happens from mindful listening. Much of healing occurs through empathetic listening without having to advise out of habit.
A deeper connection is built when one listens to others by switching off the problem-solving mode of the mind and not responding mechanically with rhetoric or advice immediately.
The deeper connection builds trust, which in turn helps in clearing the traumatic experiences from memory.
Most of the time, people want to be listened to and express their suffering to allow it to naturally die off. Although it is not the most efficient way but they are not aware of a more mindful way of handling emotions.
It is extremely beneficial to learn mindfulness for dealing with emotions because you don’t have to depend on anyone else, and also, the effectiveness is far superior. More about this later.
But essentially, when one learns to listen deeply & mindfully, then the communication becomes meaningful and useful.
If awareness develops in both parties, then communication doesn’t even require much speech. Silence communicates everything and heals both.
Leave a Reply