Happiness derived from external objects or situations is always subjective. It is not inherently embedded within them. Rather, it is dependent on the internal state of mind. If your mind is content, external situations won’t bother you much. However, if it is sad, everything around, no matter how amazing, would feel melancholic.
It is like watching yourself in the mirror. The mirror is just a medium through which your internal expressions are reflected. An unaware person always perceives the mirror as flawed and ignores the dirt on their face. Although they try to clean it, predictably, it doesn’t bring much satisfaction.
But humans have the power to be conscious of the dirt on their faces. Through reasoning, they can reach the source and wipe it out.
Much like the dirt, greed, jealousy, fear, and pride taint our states of mind. Such a mind never feels satisfied with whatever is present, whether material wealth, job conditions, relationships, etc. It keeps seeking and comparing with others in a better position, but fails to see what it has already got and never compares with others in a worse situation.
Unlocking gratitude through the practice of mindfulness and self-reflection not only restores contentment in life but also motivates & directs one’s search for meaningful growth.
Why are we ungrateful?
A mind is seldom intentionally ungrateful. It is unaware of its privileged position and therefore keeps complaining out of ignorance. A negative bias of only considering inferiority and scarcity seems to be its natural tendency.
All that is attained slips to the background sooner or later to remain ignored. While there could already be enough things and people to remain content, the attention is always on what is not there in life.
A thick veil hides all the things that have already been achieved, thus making us feel incomplete most of the time. The mind soon becomes oblivious of them, so there is no question of being grateful.
This thick veil develops out of impurities like greed, jealousy, fear and pride. They create a blind spot by stealing all the attention in anticipation of the future achievable state or holding on to an old state.
Greed to achieve more material objects, wealth, or social status unites all mental and emotional resources in the pursuit. None is spared to recognise valuable objects and people already in life.
Blind competition and jealousy paralyse rational thinking. Under this influence, a person not only does not see what he already has, but also doesn’t see clearly what he will achieve through the restless actions. He is willing to gamble all that he has just to get the satisfaction of toppling down the subject of his jealousy.
Similarly, fear of losing and fear of pain disable a mind to see through and accept the fundamental law of nature, i.e. impermanence. Disregarding the governing principle of the universe, it looks out to maintain the status quo of all the elements. The constant worries drain all its attention to the few things that are in a phase of dissociating change, thus ignoring the majority of the elements which are still in the phase of associating change.
Often, our minds are convinced that all the things achieved are only due to our efforts and intelligence. It enters into a transactional relationship with itself and focuses entirely on the self(efforts), since it is convinced that nothing apart from itself can help it achieve its goals. In the process, other people and already achieved things in life are left far behind to be even considered for happiness.
Meaningful Growth through Gratitude
It is a general misconception that gratitude entails complacency and accounts for stagnancy. Quite contrary to this, being grateful actually opens up the possibilities for growth, which is meaningful.
We are usually trapped in the need for meaningless growth, a tendency of the mind shaped by its own ignorance, owing to social, educational, and cultural conditioning. For example, a normal adult is expected to chase after a well-paying job in a multinational company and provide more amenities, comforts and all the consumables to their family that the capitalistic society has to offer.
Practising gratefulness helps in removing the ignorance to identify that the actual growth is not in consuming more, but rather in helping others around us get uplifted.
Regular practice of gratitude subsides the discontentment tendencies owing to the impurities in the mind. It helps to unlock the natural compassion of our hearts by focusing on our privileged states as compared to millions of others around us who even lack basic necessities. Even suffering trees and animals come under the radar of our compassionate heart, which was earlier blocked by our self-centred mind.
A new meaning dawns upon us, where growth is no more about gratifying our bodies and minds, but it is about a collective material, emotional, and spiritual upliftment of all sentient beings around us.
Gratitude brings with it immense motivation to work towards the newfound meaning. The thought of shifting from the old unhealthy habits, the toxic work culture, the bad company, etc., takes precedence, and we eventually muster the courage to break through them.
Practicing Gratitude through Mindfulness
One can be grateful when one becomes mindful of the internal states of mind. Unless one sees the traces of greed, jealousy, fear and pride within the mind and the influences they have on the thoughts, it is quite difficult to become grateful for anything.
Mindfulness practices are excellent ways to help one become aware of one’s own impending tendencies and accept them. Accepting the flaws opens the opportunities for overcoming them.
A regular practice of mindful breathing and walking is a good technique to bring our attention inward. This is essential for facilitating self-awareness. They help in softening the hard shells of the mind that have resulted from years of habitual patterns.
Once a little bit of self-awareness is built, contemplative meditation, compassionate meditation, and gratitude journaling help us foster gratefulness. Humility, kindness, and thankfulness are cultivated through dedicated practice, which unravels an unprecedented contentment in life.
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